Football Fever In Full Effect
A new, first of its kind disease has swept the nation, with origins in Canton, Ohio. This disease is spreading like wildfire, and the only thing officials know about it so far is that it's some kind of fever.
The Surgeon General and the CDC have collaborated and named the disease "PigSkin Madness Fever Disease." Symptoms include but are not limited to the painting of one's face and body, huge crazy colored hair and the swelling of one hand to enormous proportions and resembling a giant number 1.
Anyone with the disease has glued themselves to television sets, adamant upon staying there through the course of entire weekends, Monday nights, and even Thanksgiving. Their only remedy, they claim, is hours of televised football.
One inflicted victim ("Bob") described the situation to us. While he had spent most of the summer casually watching NASCAR and baseball, he suddenly changed the station to his local FOX channel and before he knew it, he found himself suited up in a football uniform with his face painted.
Now, his neighbors are all on alert Aside from all of the ornaments he's littered his front yard with, he found a neighbor carrying a crate of oranges to his door, tackled him, took the oranges, and ran them back to his house across the street before dancing in celebration.
The Center for Disease Control predicts this epidemic may spread at an alarming rate through the fall. Universities and big cities alike all seem to be prone to the symptoms.
The Surgeon General went so far as to say that there may be something wrong with you if you DON'T suffer from this disease, as he believes that anyone in mainstream society is much better off with the symptoms.
On one final note: It's here people! Football season has arrived so let the hits begin!
If you believe you may be infected with these symptoms, we would urge you to head immediately to the NFL forum at RootZoo Sports, where you can answer over 55,000 sports trivia questions, play football pick em games, and more.
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